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- Vyrin & Womby

[R31 Travel Guide] Letter to the Editors

Dear Editors,

Novia needs your help.

When I was young (long before these appalling outlanders started showing up), the towns and villages of Novia were beautiful. There was a kind of architectural harmony everywhere that nourished the soul.

Now I find myself weeping in despair. It isn't just the tortuous clash of building styles, nor the vendors lining every street - although they alone are seriously depressing. No, it is the complete and utter lack of taste exhibited by so many outlanders, combined with the kind of extreme greed that subjugates the wishes of an entire community to the desire for personal profit. Property decoration is no longer driven by a sense of personal and community pride, but rather is now subjugated to the needs of advertising. Where is the virtue? I seriously hope the Oracle is taking notes.

That is not the only problem, however. Even worse than the visual pollution that they have wrought is the insidious damage to our magic for which they are no doubt responsible. In my younger days the strength of magic permeating Novia was so great that I could easily transport myself to any of my friends without aid of any kind. Now it seems that the pool of magic upon which we all draw is so diluted and polluted by these undocumented outlanders that we are forced to craft travel scrolls.

Is it too much to ask that we reverse these changes? Surely we can track down and deport these outlanders, thereby preventing any additional incursions. To do this we should build a wall - a mighty wall - and it should be funded by drawing on the inexplicable wealth of these outlanders.

Also, why are we sending guards to help those in the Hidden Vale in their battle against the undead? We have our own problems to take care of. If they want our protection then surely they should pay for it!

In the meantime I have formed an organisation of like-minded Novians who have but one purpose: make Novia great again!

I look forward to your generous contribution to this effort.

Yours, etc.
Donald Drake



Dear Donald,

Your letter started well as you expressed some points with which we are in complete agreement. However, those initial points seem to contradict your own history. We recall that, prior to the arrival of so many outlanders, the single ugliest thing in the whole of New Britannia was the strip of several adjoining properties along the main road in Owl's Head. Those properties were owned by you and served no other purpose than to allow you to spell out your name in giant blocks of cheese. Perhaps your real objection is to the unwanted competition.

As to your complaints about the declining power of magic, there is no evidence to suggest that the outlanders are in any way involved. Correlation does not equal causation. Your suggestion that we should deport them completely ignores the valuable contributions that they have made to our society. Since their arrival the numbers of undead have vastly reduced and the prices of corpse wax and ectoplasm have plummeted. Outlanders have made valuable contributions to our cultural life as well, including the wildly popular gypsy dance. 

We here at the Unreliable Travel Guide are, quite frankly, suspicious as to your true agenda, and see no evidence from your past that you possess either the will or the ability to improve the situation for average New Britannians. 

Far from contributing to your campaign, we urge our readers to treat your statements with a great deal of scepticism.

Yours etc.
The Editors


Comments

  • Thinly veiled but hilarious! :D Richard Garriott is going to love this one!

    Suggestion: "nor the vendors" instead of "or the vendors"


  • Thanks Lady Kate. Change made.
  • Here, here!  #NeverDrake

    When I was young (long before these appalling outlanders started showing up)

    Comma after these intros.

    Surely we can track down and deport these outlanders, and prevent any additional incursions.

    The comma here doesn't work, but then you have the double and.  What about "thereby preventing".

    by you, and served
    vastly reduced, and the prices

    No commas here.
  • edited June 2016
    Thanks Vyrin. Clearly, I am, still having, problems with commas.
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