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- Vyrin & Womby

[Lum's Travel Guide] Kingsport (#1 in a series)

edited July 2015 in SotA Stories
KINGSPORT 

"Land ho!"

Never have two words given me such relief. Still clutching the railing over which I had been bent for much of the journey, I glanced up at the bearer of good tidings, to be met with a broad grin. "You get used to it." he added.

After making contact via a trusted intermediary, I had been able to negotiate passage from Novia to Kingsport with Kingsport’s "Import Company" - currently the unofficial and only avenue of commerce between the two islands. We arrived some time after midnight in great silence, and as the crew began to offload a large quantity of smuggled goods I proceeded to The Hearth of Britannia, where I could see a light still burning in the window.

The innkeeper was a jovial fellow named Abbott who it seemed was expecting me. "There is a spare bed for you upstairs. Breakfast is at sunup" he added.

The following morning after an uninspired breakfast of oats, I asked innkeeper Abbott for some local information. I was told that the town was suffering many troubles but was directed to the Lord Mayor or the guildmaster if I wanted to know more. On the way there I stopped at a number of stalls in the town square and chatted to some of the locals. The sight of boarded up buildings only added to the general air of gloom as they all recounted the same tale of economic depression.

Nahche the Farmer acknowledged the current difficulties, but when asked why he stayed, said "Kingsport is our home, Womby. The troubles of late have hurt our business, but it is still home."

After grabbing some supplies from the local vendors, I decided to skip talking to the town officials and headed across the bridge towards one of the two exits. I avoided the other exit, as it passed too close to an unexpected outpost of the Oracle. Something I have my own reasons for wishing to avoid.

I took one last look back at the mists rolling in from the sea, then turned and made my way through the strangely gate-less exit.

I wondered what adventures this island had in store for me.

- Womby


Comments

  • This is a quick once over....

    “There is a spare bed for you upstairs. Breakfast is at sunup” he added.


    The "he added" part applies to the whole quote usually, which doesn't make sense.
    You need a comma after sunup in this construction.
    However, you might just consider the previous sentence as the lead in... comma after me, then period after sunup.

    I was told that the town was suffering many troubles, but was directed to the the Lord Mayor or the guildmaster if I wanted to know more.

    On the way there I stopped at a number of stalls in the town square, and chatted to some of the locals.


    No comma before the but and and!  Same problem!

    Nahche the Farmer acknowledged the current difficulties, but when asked why he stayed said “Kingsport is our home, Womby. The troubles of late have hurt our business, but it is still home.”

    Need a comma after stayed. Stylistically wierd to have "stayed said" (a verb should almost always have a subject) Need a comma after said.

    Something I have my own reasons for wishing to avoid.

    This sounds awkward because there is no link between something and the phrase that modifies it. What about, "Something for which I have my own reasons to avoid." Even with this correction it is still a sentence fragment. Something does not have a verb. But that is your stylistic choice. I would change the previous period to a comma.


  • edited July 2015
    Thanks Vyrin, I have performed some ninja edits on my submission.

    I didn't bother changing the "Breakfast is at sunup" thing, since the edit would have been large and noticeable.

    Regarding sentence fragments, I realise that they are grammatically evil, but sometimes it just feels right. To me, anyhow.*

    * See what I did there?

  • Yeah, sentence fragments are always a stylistic choice.  Most of the rules of grammar can be broken with a good reason, but not the rules of punctuation.  They are like signs... you need a stop sign at the right points and to look exactly the same way every time.  Roads can be constructed in all sorts of ways though...
  • I realize the Womby in Kingsport at this time in the story will not have met the leader of the guilds, but the innkeeper would know her. Could her title be "Guildmistress"?
  • An interesting point. There is a trend in many places (Australia is one of them - I'm Australian) towards genderless titles. Hence actress has been deprecated, and actor is now used, fisherman is now fisher, chairman has become chair, etc.

    In any case, guildmistress is not a recognised word in the English language. If used (and these days it wouldn't be) the correct spelling would be guild mistress. If we follow the precedent of chairman becoming chair, then guildmaster would become guild - this however is not a usage that I have seen adopted.

  • Your points are valid and correct. Of course, she should retain the proper title in your story.

    That said, I am a (rather) stubborn female and shall continue to call her the Guildmistress in my head, as I have done ever since Trelass met her.
  • Very nice story Womby, makes me want to visit Kingsport!....lol

    one thing:

    I decided to skip talking to the town officials and headed across the bridge towards one of the two exits. I avoided the other exit, as it passed too close to an unexpected outpost of the Oracle.

    instead of 'other exit' if you could put... a directional adjective -- 'eastern exit' for example (not there right now so not sure which it is) that would sound better I think.

    ok thanks for the great story! :)
  • I really enjoyed reading this guide to Kingsport! 

    One typo I didn't notice being mentioned in the comments:

    I was told that the town was suffering many troubles but was directed to the the Lord Mayor

  • Thanks Kara_Brae, it is amazing how many people missed that.

  • Thanks Kara_Brae! This is very helpful.
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